


only if for a night

by HerBreakingHeart



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alcoholic Tony Stark, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Love Confessions, M/M, References to Depression, Substance Abuse, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-05-15 18:10:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14795426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HerBreakingHeart/pseuds/HerBreakingHeart
Summary: He really wasn't supposed to be this depressed on his birthday, was he?And yet Tony Stark stood in the midst of a nightclub, full of beautiful people and booze guaranteed to have him fucked up come this time tomorrow… and he wasmiserable.This shouldn't make sense. It was hisbirthdayfor fucks sake, he was 22 and had his whole life ahead of him, born a billionaire and already owned a business that was one of the biggest in the world…And yet.He wanted to scream and cry and scream some more becauseone fucking person shouldnothave this much power over him.





	only if for a night

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [【授翻】【霜铁霜】只一夜 only if for a night](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15174374) by [EglantineLoveyou](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EglantineLoveyou/pseuds/EglantineLoveyou)



He really wasn't supposed to be this depressed on his birthday, was he?

And yet Tony Stark stood in the midst of a nightclub, full of beautiful people and booze guaranteed to have him fucked up come this time tomorrow… and he was _miserable._ This shouldn't make sense. It was his _birthday_ for fucks sake, he was 22 and had his whole life ahead of him, born a billionaire and already owned a business that was one of the biggest in the world… _And yet._ He wanted to scream and cry and scream some more because _one fucking person should **not** have this much power over him._

 _How am I to know if all I have is enough for the likes of Tony Stark?_ Well, _fuck_ you too, buddy.

He clutched the glass of scotch tighter, knocking it back before his mind would replay a conversation that he'd focused on _too_ much. He was here to have fun and, damn him, Tony was going to if it fucking _killed_ him. _You're gonna die one day, you bastard, and I can't keep coming back to pick up the pieces, ok? Are you even listening to me?_

The music blared deep in his ears, thankfully drowning out words that drove into his heart and filled him with self loathing and regret. Tony didn't need ugly emotions and shitty memories clogging up this night; he wanted to _dream_ and _forget_ and _live (die, i wanna die, i wanna die)._ With a freeing sigh, he fell into the crowd of dancers, of hands that groped and grabbed, of hips that swayed and sung a song that had nothing to do with love and promises and all the things that he was guaranteed to fuck up given the chance. A blonde woman took her place in front of him, sharp nails grazing against his toned arms as she grinned at him underneath the blazing strobelights. The grin was all teeth and mischief, an echo of one that sent a painful ache through Tony's chest, so he looked at her breasts instead.

The distraction was working, thank _fuck-_ they were perky and fun, straining against the thin material of her dress. Plunging neckline, legs that went on for miles and curves that were deliciously tempting. Yeah, Tony could definitely work with this. A few more drinks and he'd take her home, fulfill a few fantasies while he was at it _and_ he could stop thinking about-

No one. That was the trick. Don't even think about _not_ thinking about them.

Drawing up his player boy smile, Tony eventually looked back up at her face. The random woman didn't seem perturbed by his blatant staring, if anything she looked more confident, grinding against him in earnest as the music picked up pace. Hell, she probably came here to seduce his famous, wealthy ass in the first place. Tony inwardly shrugged; they might as well both get something out of it right? _I swear to god, Tony, you're gonna make me lose it. Can't you see that I fucking care about you? **I** care._ There was faint vibration coming from his pocket. Tony ignored it in favour of leaning closer, smelling the vodka on the blonde's breath. Her eyes were green, though not nearly as bright as- _(fucking stop it)_ and her lips were looking better by the second.

The vibrating persisted. Her tongue flicked out to wet her mouth, the gesture obvious and Tony almost followed through on the silent command. Her nails dug deeper, hungry and desperate and Tony realised that was how everyone here felt. That was how _he_ felt. _You don't have to be like this. Tony, please._ The vibrating wouldn't fucking _stop._

He surprised the blonde as well as himself by pulling away suddenly. It was something about the buzz of his phone that kept him from floating away in this world of blurry colour and too loud music and too _much._ It was an anchor, normal and clear and Tony grasped for it. She frowned at him, confused and upset and he vaguely heard her say something over the music, could feel the faint tugging on his shirt as she tried to pull him back into the madness. She must've realised it was in vain and gave up because ever since Tony had seen the name that flashed across his screen, it was like the universe had come to a stop. He didn't move, _couldn't,_ as he felt an icy disbelief pour over him, stunning and vicious.

_No fucking way._

Before he could think anything else, Tony had picked up, crushing the phone to his ear almost painfully. His mouth was dry and no words could be wrung out of him. And then, "...Tony?" The shock that this was _real_ and _happening_ washed over him, forcing out his own response in the process.

"...Loki?" That name hadn't left his lips in _weeks_ and it tasted foreign on Tony's tongue but so damn satisfying too. There was a tense silence and the billionaire hurriedly made his way over to the bar where it was quieter, not wanting to miss a single thing from the man on the other end of the phone.

Loki cleared his throat. "So, um, how have you been?" Tony could tell immediately he was nervous; Loki was one of the most eloquent people he'd ever met, would rather shoot himself in the foot than mutter an 'um' or 'ah' in between words. It was a small comfort to know he wasn't the only one who was shitting himself.

He barked out a laugh, forced and abrupt, "Fucking fantastic."

"Tony-"

"Had a change of heart, baby?" The endearment was full of spite and scorn and the intake of breath in his ear told Tony his words were having the desired effect. "Fancy blowing yourself up in my self destruction after all?"

"Let me get a word in, Stark, and you might have no need for questions." Loki hissed. Stark instead of Tony, the billionaire noticed half amusedly, aka a sure sign Loki was extremely pissed. When it was obvious the other wasn't going to say anything, Loki took a deep breath and continued, "There were things we both said, things that _shouldn't_ have been said, and I refuse to let bad memories taint all the _good_ ones we have."

Tony swallowed down his gasp, refusing to give in so easily. "So, what? You wanna kiss and make up and move on to clear your guilty conscience?" He regretted the words the second they came out but it was automatic. _Hurt before you get hurt._

"Not move on, Tony. Because to be perfectly frank, I _can't._ " This time a gasp did slip out. Loki didn't miss a beat. "And I doubt I'm the only one with a heavy conscience."

Tony hated how vulnerable he sounded, how vulnerable Loki _made_ him. It was easier to change the conversation, to take _some_ form of control. "It's my birthday and I'm feeling like shit." He laughed weakly. "How does that make sense?"

He wanted to drown in the soft warmth of Loki's voice, "Did anything really make sense with you, Anthony?" They chuckled together, a small echo of what they used to be, what they used to _have_ , and Tony ached and craved with all of his heart. "We're both fucked up like that, I guess." he said, even softer still.

"I wish you were here." Tony whispered before he could stop himself, expecting a pitying sigh or even the sound of the call going dead.

"Your left." The billionaire blinked, not understanding. He turned half-heartedly until he saw the dark figure standing by the fire escape doors, standing underneath the green neon light of the sign. He could just about make out Loki's nervous smile and the hand that raised slightly to give him a wave.

He laughed, breathless and relieved beyond anything he'd ever felt before _(because one fucking person should **not** have this much power over him)._ Loki's tentative smile grew into a elated grin. "Seriously, fuck _you_ , Odinson. I have half a mind to get you escorted from the premises."

"Oh, please no, Mr Stark." He implored sarcastically in his ear, "I have something extremely important I need to do."

Tony played along, his smile growing wider, "Is that so, sir?"

"Indeed." His tone grew serious and Tony's smile fell with it as he continued, "I need to tell the man I love with all my heart that leaving him was the worst thing I've ever done. I need to apologise for promising I'd be there and then running away when I got scared and said he had no hope of getting better. I need to tell him that I intend to be by his side and encourage him to get the help that I so desperately want for him." There was a long silence as they stared at each other from across the nightclub, Loki's confession ringing in both of their ears. "Would that be ok, Mr Stark?"

"Well," Tony cleared his throat against the tears he felt building up and threatening to spill, "As it turns out, I need to do something important as well."

He heard Loki swallow, "Oh?"

"Oh yeah. I need to tell the man that I love more than anything that I'm so, so sorry for the pressure I put on him every single day. For rejecting the help he was trying to give me and not willing to listen when he was trying to get through to me. I need to tell him that losing him made me realise that I need to get my shit in order and I really _want_ to. I want to live my life with him and be _happy_ with him. I need to promise him that I'm gonna actually try this time."

A breathless word was in his ear, stunned and full of shock. _"Tony."_

And before either of them knew it, they were ending the call and putting their phones back in their pocket, running over to each other. They met in the middle of the nightclub, arms wrapped tight around each other with no intention of ever letting go. Tony sobbed against Loki's neck and he felt the other man tremble against him as he cried too. When they finally withdrew enough to be face to face, both men looked in each other's tear filled eyes and smiled.

"I've missed you so much." Tony gasped out and Loki's smile was brighter than the fucking sun.

"I've missed you too." He confessed with shaky breaths, his pale cheeks glowing pink. "Happy birthday, by the way." he added with a chuckle.

Tony laughed and pulled him down into a kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> For Tony Stark, because it's his 48th birthday today! Happy birthday, angel <3 
> 
> And whoops it's angsty and heartbreaking but I managed to write a happy ending for once so, yay? Not gonna lie, this is kinda a scrap but I wanted to get something posted today and the sad infinity war one shot I'm currently in the middle of was just _no_ because I need a break from that ruthless fucking film :)
> 
> *Title taken from Florence + the Machine - Only if For a Night* (I've only just discovered her and this song is probably the most beautiful thing I've ever heard, just thought I'd throw that out there lmao)


End file.
